You may read this blog or not. I have to warn you that what is written below is a rant. I rarely write just to rant. I hate writing something about ranting because of something or somebody. Sometimes, it isn't really worth all that.
But, this time I really think it's worth it because it bothers me too much -- my good vibes are affected. And sad to say -- I'm afraid there is really nothing I can do about it but rant it here. If I do something, it could become ugly and bad. So -- I'd rather keep myself at bay.
Word of the day: Timid which means "lacking in self-assurance", "courage", or "bravery"; "easily alarmed"; "timorous"; "shy".
The story behind this rant is this:
As I was taking a break and minding my own business -- browsing through the emails that I just received, I heard a comment from ***** which was (my pretty sure) directed at me. I really wasn't very sure whether it was said jokingly or not -- but it got me into thinking for a few seconds. So -- I threw back a question regarding the comment (I think my voice got a little too big). Of course, ***** answered and got back with some questions of his own. I tried to explain my views as best as I can at that time (partially blinded by the distubing comment) but because ***** is significantly higher in rank and has more experience (and age) -- I backed down. And absorbed his explainations and personal comments hitting the "defects" that I have. I just kept quiet and didn't try to answer back anymore. I hid in an invisible cloak. Keeping at bay my emotions and hoping that the bad vibes wouldn't turn into something evil.
End of story.
Fighting back isn't an option. It could mean grounds for subordination -- and that really isn't the best for me now.
My points are these -- 1. if you make a comment about something that has been previously discussed and had a problem about it -- why not made the comment there instead of bashing the comment a few hours after? I really think it would have been much better if I was asked directly in my face instead. If it was intended to be a joke, make it sound one. If the joke really was not making it sound like a joke, at least making it known that it really was just a joke afterwards would have prevented this thing. I had a few seconds to think about that comment and that would have been the perfect time to say that it wasn't really that of a big deal -- Or was it? 2. Suddenly talking about my personal defects and your opinions about me at that time -- I find this rather uncalled for and out of context -- it wasn't the subject of the matter at all.
I'll think about what ***** said about me being timid. Because it might be that I really am, right? Me -- being timid was really what your trying to drive at, right? Or did you happen to use the wrong word? Lemme know.
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